October 23rd, 2013
|01:20 pm - De-depression|
As my depression slowly alleviates over time, i'm finding myself increasingly drawn back to regular porn and sex. I've been thinking about it. I find that the general consensus why many depressed people are into kink is because they hate themselves, they want to be punished, they can only like someone who hates them. But i don't find that's the case when it comes to me. Depression is a terrible thing, it drapes you with a heavy shroud of numbness which prevents you from experiencing and feeling the world. This numbness is actually a horrible, destructive feeling that suppresses and annihilates all others, only the most extreme experiences and emotions pierce through it. As such everyday sexual power of girls, or sexual power of everyday girls (WHATEVS yo!) is simply too weak to penetrate the shroud and be felt, it has to be amplified, it has to go to an extreme with enough brutal power to exert an effect. I find this to be the main reason i was so heavily into kink, it was the only way i could feel the sexual power of women through my depression.
On the dream front, I've had a dream i was riding bmx bikes with Vanessa Bayer, and whenever we passed some other cyclist we'd say "Wash ya bike!". And in the mean time, between razzing cyclists, we'd practice saying it like a haughty Jewish grandma.
August 20th, 2012
|05:32 am - I watch horrible shows|
I dreamt Channing Tatum was helping the police with an investigation. He was a medic. But it turned out he was the culprit, and then a lady detective went to arrest him, and he assaulted her and told her creepy things, insulting misogynistic things, but also things which ringed true and sounded romantic and tender, all rolled into one. I can't remember the exact words, just how they sounded. He was such a weird creepo. But the detective managed to call for backup and he was arrested. I was one of the detectives that arrested him, and we held him in a hotel room over night. I don't know why. There he took a pill and tried to kill himself, and said some things that made us feel uneasy and take pity on him as a sad, broken human being, and see ourselves as just one false step from becoming such.
Then i dreamt that the Walking Dead gang was shacked up in some old house in the forest. Carl was roaming around as Carl tends to, and a strange zombie child attacked him. A zombie child that talked, and thought, but still acted foul. He punched Carl in the stomach and played with his guts. But Carl got away and drove his bike back to the forest house. The zombie child was accompanied by two other little zombies, which seemed to be under his control. He followed Carl to the house, where everyone didn't kill him because he was such an oddity. As though thankful for not killing him, he healed Carl somehow. And spending time with him, everyone got to feeling better and stronger. And Grimes' wife, who was a zombie in my dream, but who he kept around, started talking and regaining some of her living qualities back. Then they invited Bobby from Supernatural over the radio to join them. He came, but with some survivors who only wanted to loot and kill, but hid that intent from Bobby till the last minute. The gang fended them off, but lost some people in the fight. The magical zombie child couldn't resurrect the dead, he could only make the zombies be better and benevolent, and help the living.
Then i dreamt that Lisa and grampa Simpson dressed up as beatniks and went playing a bunch of old music CDs only to pretentiously make fun of them. They weren't being beatniks for reals, but were goofing around playacting. Which was the most fun dream, and i remember thinking that i wish all Simpsons episodes were about Lisa and grampa Simpson hanging out together and having fun.
June 26th, 2012
|05:36 pm - End of Days|
Isn't it weird that at the end of the 20th century, when there was talk about the end of the world and a millennial cataclysm, no one said "Hey everyone, don't worry! According to the Mayan calendar we still got a good decade ahead of us!".
June 15th, 2012
|07:11 pm - World War Z|
I'm listening to the audiobook version of World War Z. The guy portraying the young, disillusioned soldier involved in the standoff at Yonkers sounds like a chain-smoking, Jewish lesbian grandma. Haha, you should get it just for that segment. Otherwise, though contrived and cheesy at times, it's pretty entertaining. The best part so far, and best casting choice in the whole thing is Alan Alda as the sensible and pleasant head of DeStRes. Just a joy listening to Alan Alda being sensible and pleasant. In essence just being Alan Alda.
June 13th, 2012
|10:31 am - Prometheus|
I thought the first half was fantastic and well structured. For instance, i could have watched David and his solitary idiosyncrasies for at least another 30 minutes. But then things just got disheveled super quick. For instance, the sudden, mostly forced yet completely casually delivered revelations, that aren’t really discussed at all and are accepted at face value, like “It’s a weapons base, not their home.”, “They want to kill earth.” The pinnacle of this being that even though there never was a ship-wide briefing or discussion about all the developments and insights, the guys at the end sacrifice themselves without even the least bit of questioning or hesitation. Not only did no one ever categorically prove that the Engineers wanted to destroy earth, i don’t think anyone even cared to explain it to everyone at any point before, especially to the guys that are supposed to kill themseves. Yet their commitment to die is instantaneous and even nonchalant.
Such disarray exists due to poor and contrived characterization, but specifically because of a lacking sense of actual centralized command structure. And not only that, there's an absence of basic co-operation. When things go wrong they never have a meeting to share personal insights, figure out what’s going on and how to proceed further. Most don't even display general lasting concern outside the immediacy of a singular dramatic scene. Instead they just go dilly dallying around the ship, dropping their insights into individual smalltalk in a completely “by the way” manner.
Another thing, which is a continuation of this, is that off-camera characters would at times be completely inert in their absence, popping up to serve a single scene and disappear again, while it would make sense they were trying to act in some way, attempting to resolve the various issues. One glaring instance of this is when they try to put the preggo lady in stasis, she violently escapes and then during a lengthy scene involving only her, nobody finds her or appears to be searching for her, and when she reappears nobody questions where she was and what happened. And too bad, because what happened is an interesting story; she was doing a cesarean on herself to deliver an alien baby. But since no one cares, the alien baby is just left somewhere until it grows into an alien adult.
But outside such cumbersome shortcomings, there was plenty of smaller stuff for the nitpickers. Like the guy who is in charge of mapping the tunnels gets lost in the tunnels. But when they ask him where he is, he gives them exact coordinates. Or the med-pod in Theron’s habitat-room, which is there because she’s super anal about surviving all eventualities, is configured for operating on men only. Sure, it was probably for the old guy, along with the whole survival-habitat-room-thingy, but why would you EVER program a machine like that for men only, especially if you need constant care from other personnel, which needs to be healthy to take care of you.
On a closing note, i didn’t like David’s sass. I know the theme with the robots is that their inner life is richer, and darker than we think, but his quips and comebacks were at times downright alarming and too revelatory about his person, yet everyone just brushes them off. I can’t imagine if that’s the case with all the Davids, or even just this one over a longer period of time, that someone wouldn’t have gotten wise to their/his schtick. And don’t get me started on the whole nonsensical evolution into the first actual xenomorph.
In response to: http://cavalorn.livejournal.com/584135.html
That interpretation is terrible. I mean, it's not a terrible interpretation, it's very likely a correct interpretation, but it doesn't change the fact that characters in the movie act like senseless buttheads. It's terrible because at this symbolic level, it is plagued by the same discrepancies and nonsense that the movie, taken at face value, is riddled with.
If the goo really reacts to the morality of it's user, then humans shouldn't have turned out bad, as the selfless sacrifice of the Engineer should have resulted in creation of good life. Though are Engineers really good? Human history is plagued by violence, cruelty and destruction. All of which was obviously tolerated until we kill an Engineer, which pretty much trivializes eons of human suffering and elevates the life of a single Engineer as superior to all of human life, raising the behavior toward a single Engineer as the ultimate litmus test of not just morality, but the right to exist of an entire fucking planet. What pompous dicks! Fuck those narcissist, raisin-balls fucks! But also, how moral it is to hold responsible, and punish an entire planet, with the ultimate punishment, for the behavior of a single, localized culture? So what's the point in the end? Engineers are stupid? Everyone's just stupid? If that's the point, well done, great job! The stupidity was palpable! Finally, it's just offensive all around. It's Christian-centric while at the same time shitting all over Christian mythos and dogma, perverting the sacrifice of Christ. What a fucking ridiculous mess. I feel like throwing up chunks of butter and soda, just materializing in my stomach as the physical embodiment of the revulsion toward this turd.
The first half is still wonderful. <3
April 5th, 2012
|01:23 pm - Proctologist|
Today i was at the proctologist's office for a hemorrhoid. Before he examined me he said "This might be a little unpleasant" and i said "Eh, the hemorrhoid was already unpleasant" and i swear he poked my butt a little harder just to show me what's what.
March 8th, 2012
|07:04 am - F'd Up DREMZ|
First i had a dream i was a part of a group of superheros. Then one of us betrayed us, and like, tried to disintegrate us? Anyway, i helped out and stopped him in time so he disintegrated only one of us, and the rest of us helped fix him, so he was right as rain.
But the people the traitor was working for didn't know he failed, so they started ATTACKING THE CITY!! Ayayay! And they did it in a giant flying teenage ninja turtle, and they WERE teenage ninja turtles. So we fought teenage ninja turtles. Those fuckers have old timey thief eye masks, OF COURSE they're EVIL!
Then i had a dream i was in Austria, and i was doing some shopping with my folks, and then i wanted to buy some fireworks, but i couldn't find any. I was walking the city and saw some kids playing with fireworks, i went like, psst, psst, kids, can you hook a fella up? But the kids were like hyper-paranoid and thought i was a cop, so they wanted me to prove i'm not. So they took me to their school to the computer lab, where i logged in to my flickr and showed them a bunch of photos of me where i was deffo not a cop. KIDZ GOT SMARTZ. So they took me to some basement where the suppliers were. When we got there i got a bad feeling - they were trying to kill us! With blow darts!! So i snuck up on one, took his blow dart and stabbed him. And then helped the kids take care of the rest of them. Now only the head honcho remained, who in fact was, Delroy Lindo. He said i won and i could have all the firecrackers i wanted. And i said "now that wasn't so hard, was it?". He asked if i could just let him go, because his car and all the cars of his gang were these super new fancy cars that started driving reverse if left unattended for too long. So instead of thinking that's the worst excuse ever, i rather took the chance to shake my head while looking at him mischievously from under my brows. So the cars went reverse, rode up a hill, and demolished the houses on top of it, which belonged to Delroy Lindo and his gang. Then this girl came along, that was i guess his main squeeze. She saw the tables had turned and she started flirting with me, and we went to one of the demolished houses, laid in the bed, feet to face, and caressed each other's feet.
February 27th, 2012
February 21st, 2012
|08:31 am - My letter to Lisanne Skyler|
Hello, my name is P, i’m a 30 year old manchild from Croatia. Some 10 years ago i saw your movie “Getting to know you” on the TV and it has haunted me ever since. It has this strange quality, like old, anonymous folk songs; it just permeates your whole being and makes you feel and comprehend the sorrowful futility of the world, and you gladly surrender yourself to it like a mother’s understanding embrace. And through this surrender a love grows, a compassion for all creation through a sense of shared folly, a peaceful clarity, a calm, for inside it you’ve made your peace.
Now, i know your movie is about more than this, or perhaps less, but i found this earnest, archetypal, illusive melancholy to be at the center of it. And that’s no small feat, for i find such melancholy to be the most primal and true emotion one can feel, hiding in the very heart of life.
And this is the reason i’m writing to you. Since i saw it i’ve been on a hunt for your movie. I’ve searched video stores, i’ve searched online stores, i’ve roamed flea markets, i’ve tried pirating it. I’ve done everything i could to get my hands on it. Why is this so important to me? Life is chaotic and strange, there’s so much clashing knowledge, a cacophony of information, things that erase you. Your film is cathartic of it all, it touches upon forgotten intuition, a forgotten self, on knowledge within you that got lost in the noise. It gives you a sense that you are human, and there’s no need to define what that means, it’s a feeling, a feeling more clear and more powerful than any thought or an idea could be, resonating through your being, restoring you to a lost balance.
It would mean the world to me if i could have this anchor, an object that symbolizes it and holds it within. It would make it all the more powerful. If you could send me a copy of your film, in any sort of form or in any medium, i would be forever grateful, and would of course respect any conditions that it might come with.
I'm sorry if i'm being a nuisance, my intention is to, if nothing else, thank you.
February 16th, 2012
|03:16 pm - Aliens Smelliens|
I find the whole idea of an advanced alien race invading us ridiculous. It will never happen i tell you! The thought that with an infinite number of planets at their disposal they'd turn to ours for gathering resources is at best irrationally paranoid and at worst thoroughly narcissistic. Durrrflash: a planet doesn't have to have life to be rich in resources. And the notion that an advanced star-faring civilization would have the need for manual slave labor, or hunting as a source of nourishment is just silly vanilly. So put that in your pipe, and then put the pipe up your butt.